Draw Near to God

Ok guys, So I started this blog so I can express myself and also receive the feedback of others because I have questions in my head that I need answers to So have any of you ever wondered if Depression was something that some of us go through on purpose? Like it was created just to connect some of us or used to help some of us reach out for help. I mean, I’m just wondering what’s the bigger picture behind it all. It has to be a bigger picture and a bigger purpose right? Well for me, I experienced a time in my life that I just didn’t feel like myself anymore. My tolerance for people and their behavior just started to bug me more and more as the years passed. Apart of me feels validated for feeling this way because some people really have a way of pushing you to your limits. However, there is this other side of me that wanted to grab that person with love and compassion and try to understand why they would do some of the things they do. We all have that ability to get under someone’s skin from time to time so I definitely can’t hold anything against anyone. However, I went through times when I wanted to completely isolate myself from the world and crawl under a rock. During this time, I started to see a therapist. It’s so amazing how people can see so much in you that you can’t even see in yourself. When I spoke to her about these feelings she said these words to me, “Conniea, crawling under a rock and isolating yourself may be ok for some people, but you were created to give back to people in the same way I am giving to you.” Now mind you, at the time I had absolutely no intentions on pursuing a degree in Counseling or getting certified in Life Coaching so I asked her what did she mean. She said to me, “With your personality and the love you have for people and your unique ability to make a person feel warm and welcomed within your first encounter with them, is something you can’t take for granted because the world needs you.” Guys my mouth was wide opened because out of all the times I’ve heard others say similar things to me, I have never had it broken down in that way. Especially during a time when I absolutely didn’t want to hear it, but indeed it was Necessary. Here I am trying to take a break from being “Miss Dependable”, and here she goes beasicly telling me to take my break, but not to make it an extended vacation(in so many words). She encouraged me to take my breather and get back into the role that I am meant to be in. So moment of truth guys, I took her advice, but I didn’t at the same time. See we were both spritial but we never got too deep into the Bible or anything. This was honestly the closest we ever got so she couldn’t tell me the things that I know now today. What I’ve learned in just this short period of time is that without giving God His quality time and spending time getting to know Him and what He desires from each of us, there is no way I can overcome anything to my fullest potential. Yes I had great days during this time, but when it was over I felt empty all over again. I was constantly searching for more and more of what I thought I needed to make me feel like myself again. The whole time the answer was right in front of me. I had been telling God for years that I would give Him more time and do more of what I know I should be doing. I kept asking for more time and more time to get it right and because He kept sparing my life day after day, year after year, I kept thinking I was getting away scot free, but I was wrong. It wasn’t until this year of 2020 that I am finally starting to feel renewed again. I finally started to take my renewed relationship with God seriously, and in return He has blessed my life in so many ways. I’m not even feeling like myself again because I’m experiencing a feeling that I have never felt before. It’s like I’m a version of my fun, energetic, goofy, outspoken self, but with a special twist that only God can provide. I know so still have way more room to grow, but I am here to tell you that it is possible. Depending on your strength alone can be impossible, but when you truly start relying on God for your strength and direction He will provide all of your needs. Whether it’s bringing the right people, putting you in the right circumstances, or even just keeping you alive to fight another day for the time being, there is always Purpose in your pain. I would strongly encourage anyone to try it His way and watch how your life just starts to transform. If your saying “Lord I’m trying it your way and I still don’t see anything happening,” but remember that just because His response is delayed. it doesn’t mean it’s denied. I believe God wants us all to continue to grow in our lives and in our spirituality so if it isn’t working your way, draw near to God and try it His way. Be encouraged good people. We are in this together!!! ~Conniea P

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